sometimes I still don't see it. Someone I know from a support group just had her baby. She went through something similar to what I went through with preeclampsia and a premature baby, but her little one survived. It's a wonderful story. She went on to have another baby and this pregnancy was completely different from the last. She had a full term little one and didn't get sick. Another absolutely wonderful story. It's hard to believe sometimes that I am on the other side of the fence and that I have had a wonderful story. I know I live it and breath it now that I interact with Noah every single day, but sometimes I just can't feel it. Sometimes I feel like I am back in that place where I was sick and without a baby. How horrible is that? I have a gorgeous, precious and living baby right here with me and I am still doubting it all.
I don't get it...Is there something terribly wrong with me? Why can't I feel as though we had a successful experience? Will Mason's birth overshadow everything with a negative light?
I don't think there is any prescribed way in how you are supposed to feel. Having Noah in your life and losing Mason are two different and separate experiences. Perhaps one does not have to be compared to the other.
ReplyDeleteGirl, I have totally been trying to comment on your blog for days, and anytime I'd hit the comment button it would just hang there thinking and I wouldn't be able to do anything. Now that you've changed the layout again, it's working! (And by the way, I think it looks great.)
ReplyDeleteIt really is okay to feel the fragility of it all, and I don't think it's a reflection on Noah or of being negative. It's obvious how much you love him and are digging being a mommy to him.
It just sounds like you miss Mason. What a precious boy he was, so beautiful. And your Noah is, too.
Sending love to you and both of your boys. xo