blank

I've been on a bit of an emotional hiatus in case you were wondering.  Maybe it's because Noah keeps me so busy I can't always think or maybe my heart and mind were just tired of constantly getting carried away with themselves.

I can't say that it's been a pleasant vacation.  It's just been, blank.

I feel blank, I see blank, I am blank.

I think this emotion is the weirdest for me.  I am a person who lives through emotions.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I cry a lot, I laugh a lot and I love to live a lot.  While things are changing so very fast in life, I feel like my inner self is just sitting still, unable to absorb anything.

I guess that's why my posts have been so regimented and just focused on Noah.  I can't write about how I am feeling when I am not feeling much of anything and Noah is a much easier thing to focus on.

I just really hope this is not a permanent thing because truthfully, who would ever want to feel blank?

the pains of our past

Moving from one home to another can bring up so many emotions.  Mostly excitement and hope for new happy memories in a new home, but also sadness for what your leaving.  We our moving from our adorable little home in Venice, our first California home.  We fought so hard to make ends meet in this home, while Jonathan started his dream job.  We conceived our first baby in this place.  We learned so much about each other and were so excited to grow our family.  This home also has some very dark emotions for me personally.  This is where I got sick.  This is where I went after we lost our baby.  This is where we put away all of his sweet clothes and things.  This is where I spent many days crying and hiding from the world. I am so sad to leave this place, but I am hoping for some happier memories at our new place