blankets

I started sewing a month or so after I lost Mason.  I needed some activity to put myself into after going through all that trauma.  All I could think about was the fact that my baby was dead and I was probably going to die of a blood clot myself.  During this time we were staying with my parents in Lancaster, trying to decide whether or not I could ever go back to Los Angeles.  There were many sleepless nights and many days where I did not get out of bed.  Eventually I decided that I was going to take up sewing and that I was going to make blankets for the babies in the NICU where Mason had stayed.  I made dozens of blankets and I even made matching hats to coordinate with the blankets.

After a year and some months... I finally took those blankets to the Saint John's NICU.  I have tried SO many times to bring them in and every time I break down at the doors of the hospital.  It wasn't until right before Noah was born and I found myself being monitored in L&D that I realized I could walk those halls again.  That hospital wasn't going to take away my baby or anything.  I don't know what all that fear was about, but I'm glad I was able to face it.

Anyways, I love all of the staff at that hospital.  From the NICU, to the L&D, to the Antepartum and the Postpartum wing. I love every single person that I encountered.  God seriously put them into my life so that I would feel safe and surrounded by love during my time of pain and later my time of fear.  It's just amazes me when I think about it all.

I just wanted to share that personal healing milestone... It may not seem like anything, but for me it was huge.