Thy will be done...

The hardest part about this baby-making business is realizing that things don't always go the way you had hoped or planned.  It can be hurtful and beautiful all at the same time.  I have learned so much in my pregnancy with Mason and in this pregnancy as well... I guess the most important concept I have learned is that it is not up to me and these babies are not mine.
No matter how hard I try to organize, plan and take charge, God will always be the one who calls the shots.  Although I have been on high alert this entire pregnancy, it has really been fairly easy going and I am constantly praying that it continues that way.  Now that I am coming to the end of my pregnancy and this baby could literally be here any day now, I am trying to really focus on the big picture.  That he gets here safely and that we are both healthy in the end.  That means coming to terms with the fact that baby boy's birth might not go the way I have been planning and that I might not be able to attempt a vaginal delivery.  It had been my plan that if everything were going right as rain that this would be my "goal" because I felt like it would be better for my body in the end.  But now, as little HeMac's birth is drawing near, I am seeing that it might not work out the way I had hoped and I am trying my very best to cope with that now so that there is NO way I am disappointed afterwards.  Because again... who gives a crap how this baby gets here as long as he gets here? Who cares about my battle wounds other than me and my vanity? I already know that it doesn't make his birth any less significant and I know it won't take away from my own experience. This isn't to say that I am giving in and going under the knife just yet, but I am trying my best to change my perspective and not throw a pity party for myself if I don't get my way.

My prayer is this...

God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 

Enjoying one moment at a time; 

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it; 

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life 

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.